The Somatic Experience of People Pleasing
The body communicates with you about the consequences of your people-pleasing and ignoring your own needs. You may experience headaches, stomach aches, and muscle tension as a side effect of self-neglect and exhaustion.
People pleasing is a deeply ingrained behavior, especially prevalent among therapists, caregivers, and folks in the helping professions. While often rooted in a desire to help and care for others, chronic people pleasing can lead to significant personal and professional stress, burnout, and even physical health issues. Understanding the somatic experience of people pleasing—the physical sensations and reactions in the body—can be a crucial step in recognizing and healing from this pattern.
The Roots of People Pleasing
People pleasing often stems from early life experiences where one learned that approval, affection, or even safety could be secured by meeting the needs and expectations of others. This behavior can become a coping mechanism, deeply embedded in the nervous system, and reinforced over time. Fawning is a lesser-known part of the fight-or-flight-or-freeze response to keep yourself safe from danger.
For therapists and caregivers, the drive to please can be particularly strong. The nature of their work is to help and support others, and they may feel an amplified pressure to be perfect, compassionate, and available at all times. While these qualities are admirable in certain situations, when taken to extremes, they can lead to self-neglect and exhaustion over time.
The Somatic Experience
Somatic experiencing involves paying attention to the physical sensations in the body, which can provide valuable insights into our emotional and psychological states. For those who engage in people pleasing, the body often holds tension and stress in specific ways. Common somatic symptoms include:
- Muscle Tension: Chronic muscle tension, particularly in the shoulders, neck, and back, is common among people pleasers. This tension can result from the constant stress of trying to meet others' expectations and suppressing one's own needs.
- Gastrointestinal Issues: The gut-brain connection means that stress and anxiety can manifest as digestive problems. People pleasers might experience stomachaches, indigestion, or other gastrointestinal problems like irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).
- Fatigue: Constantly striving to please others can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion. This fatigue can be pervasive, impacting one's ability to function effectively in both personal and professional spheres.
- Shallow Breathing: Anxiety and stress often result in shallow, rapid breathing. People pleasers may find themselves frequently holding their breath or experiencing shortness of breath. This can also be problem as it may trigger panic attacks!
- Headaches: Tension headaches or migraines can be a physical manifestation of the mental strain and stress associated with people pleasing behaviors.
Recognizing the Pattern
Awareness is the first step towards change. By tuning into the body and recognizing the somatic symptoms associated with people pleasing, individuals can begin to understand the toll this behavior takes on their physical health. First, you have to create enough space and quiet to even recognize that the somatic experience is occurring. Additionally, keeping a log or journaling about these physical sensations and noting when they occur can help in identifying patterns and triggers.
Healing Through Somatic Practices
Healing from people-pleasing involves both cognitive and somatic work. Here are some strategies that can help:
1. Mindfulness and Meditation: Mindfulness practices can help individuals become more aware of their body and its responses as it happen in real time without judgment. Meditation, particularly body scan meditations, can help in recognizing and releasing tension held in the body.
2. Breathwork: Conscious breathing exercises can help in managing stress and anxiety. Techniques such as diaphragmatic breathing, where one breathes deeply into the belly, can help in calming the nervous system and reducing physical tension for those who may notice shortness of breath .
3. Somatic Movement: Practices such as yoga, tai chi, and qigong involve gentle, mindful movement that can help release physical tension and promote relaxation. Additionally, wall pushes, jumping jacks, and “completing the movement” can be really powerful as well because these practices encourage a deeper connection with the body.
4. Bodywork and Massage: Regular massage therapy or other forms of bodywork can help in releasing chronic muscle tension and promoting overall relaxation.
5. Therapeutic Support: Working with a therapist who understands the somatic aspects of people pleasing can be incredibly beneficial. Somatic therapy, in particular, focuses on the connection between the mind and body and can help in addressing the root causes of people pleasing behaviors.
6. Setting Boundaries: Learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries is crucial. This involves recognizing one’s own needs and limits and communicating them clearly to others. Boundary-setting can reduce the pressure to please and help in managing stress.
7. Building a Supportive Community: Building a supportive community of like-minded professionals can provide the encouragement and accountability needed to make lasting changes. Group sessions, peer support networks, and online forums can offer a safe space to share experiences, gain insights, and support each other in the journey towards balance and well-being.
Integrating Social Justice
For those in the helping professions, addressing social justice issues is often a core component of their work. It’s important to recognize that the systemic pressures and inequalities faced by clients can also impact the mental health of caregivers and therapists. Individual changes cannot address shortages in staffing and limitations in healthcare or insurance. Generally, uderstanding these broader contexts can help in addressing the stress and burnout associated with people pleasing. Advocacy and community engagement can provide a sense of purpose and empowerment, counteracting feelings of helplessness and overwhelm.
Conclusion
The somatic experience of people pleasing is a complex interplay of physical and emotional responses. By becoming aware of the body’s signals and incorporating somatic practices, individuals in the helping professions can begin to heal from the patterns of people pleasing. This journey involves not only personal growth but also a commitment to creating a supportive and just environment, both for themselves and for those they serve. Through mindfulness, bodywork, boundary-setting, and community support, therapists and caregivers can find a path to greater well-being and sustainable success.