HOW TO STOP OVERSHARING IF YOU HAVE POROUS BOUNDARIES

Understanding Why People with Porous Boundaries Overshare

In the realm of human interactions, boundaries serve as the invisible lines that define our personal limits and help maintain healthy relationships. However, individuals with porous boundaries often struggle to uphold these lines, leading to a tendency to overshare inappropriately. This behavior, though well-intentioned, can stem from various underlying issues. People with porous boundaries might overshare due to a desire for connection and validation, a lack of self-awareness, or an attempt to manage their own anxiety. Oversharing can be a way to quickly establish intimacy or to seek reassurance from others. Additionally, a history of trauma or neglect may contribute to difficulties in setting and respecting boundaries. Understanding the reasons behind this behavior is crucial for fostering empathy and developing strategies to help those with porous boundaries create healthier, more balanced interactions. By exploring the motivations and psychological factors that drive oversharing, we can better support individuals in their journey towards establishing and maintaining appropriate boundaries in their relationships.

If you find yourself oversharing with people and you want to stop this habit, here are some strategies that can help you:

A man drawing on a whiteboard with much detail represents the act of sharing too many details with the wrong people if you have porous boundaries

1. Awareness: The first step is to recognize the problem. It is difficult to create effective solutions when you don’t have data. Recognize when you are oversharing. Pay attention to the situations, topics, or people with whom you tend to overshare. Being aware of your tendency to overshare is the first step toward changing this behavior. Or, you can ask for feedback on this behavior from trusted friends or family members.

2. Set Better Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries for yourself. Determine what topics or personal information you are comfortable sharing and what you prefer to keep private. Boundaries, and what is appropriate, change depending on the time and place. The boundaries you have with your best friend are probably not applicable to your boss.

3. Pause Before Sharing: Before sharing personal information or details, take a moment to reflect on the purpose of sharing the information. Ask yourself if it is necessary or relevant to the conversation and if you genuinely trust the person with that information. Consider the potential consequences of sharing too much and if it aligns with your overall values.

4. Listen More and Talk Less: Focus on listening to others rather than dominating the conversation with your own experiences or personal details. Show genuine interest in what others have to say and give them space to express themselves. By practicing active listening, you can develop a more balanced approach to conversations.

5. Choose the Right Confidantes: Be selective about with whom you share personal information with. Not everyone has earned the right to know every detail of your life. Identify trustworthy individuals who have proven to be reliable through repeated behaviors. Share sensitive information only with those who genuinely care about your well-being and can provide meaningful support or advice.

6. Find Alternative Outlets: If you have the urge to share personal experiences or emotions, consider expressing yourself through other means. Keep a journal, start a blog, or find a creative outlet like painting, writing, or music. These activities can provide a healthy and private space for self-expression.

7. Practice Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your motivations for oversharing. Are you seeking validation, attention, or connection? By understanding the underlying reasons, you can address any emotional needs in healthier ways, such as seeking professional therapy or confiding in a trusted friend.

8. Connect with a Therapist: If you find it challenging to control your oversharing behavior or if it stems from deeper emotional issues, consider consulting a mental health professional. They can provide guidance, support, and strategies tailored to your specific situation.

Remember that changing behaviors takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself as you work on improving your communication habits!