HOW TO NOT SUCK AS AN LGBTQIA+ ALLY
Relevant Quote: “I don’t want your love and light if it doesn’t come with solidarity and action” - Rachel Elizabeth Cargle
So, you want to be an LGBTQ ally. That’s fantastic news! But let’s face it, being a good ally can sometimes feel like trying to navigate a minefield blindfolded. Fear not! As an affirming therapist, I’m here to help you avoid the common pitfalls and become the ally your LGBTQ friends deserve. Grab a cup of herbal tea, sit back, and let’s dive into this.
Step 1: Educate Yourself
Before you even think about diving into the ally pool, you need to do some homework. And no, watching “Queer Eye” on Netflix doesn’t count…
Start with the basics: Learn the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity. Understand terms like non-binary, pansexual, and genderqueer. Familiarize yourself with the history of LGBTQ rights and the ongoing struggles. It’s 2024, folks. Google is your friend. Don’t expect your LGBTQ friends to be your personal encyclopedia. Doing your own research shows respect and genuine interest.
Good Places to Start Your Research Journey:
https://pflag.org/resource/our-trans-loved-ones/
https://www.adelaide.edu.au/student/wellbeing/ua/media/1521/theflyinggenderunicorn.pdf
https://klinic.mb.ca/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Gender-Galaxy-pdf.pdf
Step 2: Listen More Than You Speak
Allies are like sidekicks. Remember Robin, not Batman. Your job is to support, not to lead. When someone from the LGBTQ community shares their experiences or struggles, listen. Really listen. Don’t interrupt with your own stories or opinions. This is their moment, not yours.
Step 3: Use Inclusive Language
Words matter. Using the right pronouns and inclusive language can make a huge difference. If you’re unsure of someone’s pronouns, just ask. It’s simple: “Hey, what pronouns do you use?” And once you know, use them. Consistently.
Avoid making assumptions about someone’s partner or relationship status. Instead of asking a cis-woman if she has a boyfriend, ask if she has a partner. It’s these small changes that show you’re considerate and inclusive.
Step 4: Challenge Prejudice
Here’s where you might need to channel your inner superhero by leaning into your own discomfort. When you hear someone make a homophobic or transphobic comment, speak up. Silence implies consent. You don’t have to start a brawl, but calmly pointing out why a comment is inappropriate can make a big difference. The discomfort you feel at hearing an inappropriate comment is nowhere near the experience of being the target of said comment, so do your part and use your voice as long as it is physically safe. Remember, prejudice often persists because it goes unchallenged. Also, do not assume that your LGBTQIA friends will always want to be the one to challenge or educate because your friends are tired of having these conversations.
Pro Tip: Using humor can be an effective tool to lovingly challenge and provide education.
Step 5: Show Up
Actions speak louder than words. Attend LGBTQ events, marches, and rallies. Show your support not just on social media, but in real life. Your presence sends a powerful message that you stand with the community.
Step 6: Support LGBTQ Businesses and Creators
One of the easiest ways to show your support is by voting with your wallet. Support LGBTQ-owned businesses and creators. Whether it’s buying a book by an LGBTQ author, frequenting an LGBTQ-owned café, or following and sharing content from LGBTQ influencers, your support can have a significant impact.
Step 7: Donate and Volunteer
Put your money and time where your mouth is. If you have extra treasure, donate to LGBTQ charities and organizations that work towards equality and support the community. If you have the time, volunteer. Whether it’s at a local LGBTQ center or at events, your contribution matters.
Need Suggestions?
https://www.thetrevorproject.org/
https://myresourcecenter.org/
Step 8: Be Mindful of Intersectionality
Remember that the LGBTQ community is not monolithic. There are intersections with race, disability, socioeconomic status, and more. Be mindful that experiences of discrimination can vary widely. Support all members of the LGBTQ community, especially those who are marginalized within the community itself.
Step 9: Be Patient and Stay Humble
You’re going to mess up. It’s inevitable. Maybe you’ll use the wrong pronoun or say something unintentionally insensitive. When it happens, apologize sincerely, learn from it, and move on. Don’t make it about your guilt or discomfort. DO NOT CONTINUE TO EXCESSIVELY APOLOGIZE. Being an ally is about constant learning and growth. Practice a growth-oriented mindset.
Step 10: Celebrate, Don’t Appropriate
Pride is a time for celebration. Join in the fun, but remember that it’s not just a party. It’s a commemoration of the struggles and victories of the LGBTQ community. Respect the significance and history of Pride events. And please, avoid turning cultural aspects into costumes. Rainbows are cool, but cultural appropriation is not.
Step 11: Normalize LGBTQ Existence
In your everyday conversations, normalize LGBTQ existence. Mention your LGBTQ friends and their partners casually, just as you would with straight friends. This helps create a world where being LGBTQ is just another beautiful facet of human diversity.
Conclusion: Keep Growing
Being a great ally is a journey, not a destination. It requires continuous learning, listening, and action. By following these steps, you’ll not only avoid sucking as an ally but will become someone the LGBTQ community can truly rely on. By following these guidelines, you’re not just showing up as an ally; you’re helping to create a more inclusive, supportive, and understanding world. And trust me, the world needs more heroes like you.
So, there you have it. Now go forth and ally like a pro. And remember, a world with more love and acceptance is a better world for all of us. 🌈