A Therapist for Therapists’ Guide to Surviving Thanksgiving

The holiday season, especially Thanksgiving, is often painted as a time for joy and connection. But for many therapists, caregivers, and helping professionals, it brings heightened stress, anxiety, and the challenge of managing complex family dynamics. Thanksgiving can mean being more aware of other people’s emotions and the need to keep the peace by self-sacrificing. Between people-pleasing tendencies, setting boundaries, and balancing self-care, Thanksgiving can feel like a test of mental and emotional resilience. As a therapist specializing in working with other therapists, I have pulled together a comprehensive guide to surviving the season, blending self-compassion with practical boundaries so you can enjoy it on your terms.

1. Recognize Holiday Anxiety and People-Pleasing Patterns

First, acknowledge the impact the holiday season can have on mental health. Many therapists and helping professionals struggle with people-pleasing, often sacrificing their well-being to meet the needs of others. Reflect on past holiday situations where you may have overextended yourself or felt pressured to put others’ needs above yours. What worked well in the past? What did not work well? Awareness of these patterns is a powerful step toward making different choices and protecting your peace this season. Make sure to bring a sense of curiosity to your triggers and patterns instead of judging or criticizing yourself because “I should have known better.”

2. Clarify Your Values and Set Intentional Priorities

Thanksgiving often comes with high expectations and pressure to spend time with family or attend social gatherings. This season, consider what truly matters to you. Do you prefer smaller, meaningful gatherings? Is quiet time or a morning walk more restorative than a packed calendar? How do you want to feel during this holiday? What is the intention for celebrating Thanksgiving? Use your values as a guide to help you prioritize, focusing on what brings you joy and energy rather than on obligations or appearances. When you’re clear on what matters to you, saying “no” to what doesn’t align becomes easier.

3. Practice Assertive Communication

Setting boundaries is essential, and assertive communication can be your best tool. Practice expressing your needs directly and respectfully. If certain topics, such as career choices or family matters, feel uncomfortable, have responses prepared. Use phrases like, “I’m not open to discussing that right now,” or “Let’s keep it light today,” to gently steer conversations. Setting these boundaries ahead of time can reduce anxiety and help you navigate interactions with confidence. I encourage my clients to send family or friends a text ahead of any stressful situations so that no one is confused! I find that it is easier to REINFORCE a boundary during family interactions than to set a boundary for the first time.

4. Plan Breaks and Use Self-Care as Armor

Thanksgiving gatherings can be overwhelming, so build in moments for breaks. Step outside for a few minutes, find a quiet room for a breather or volunteer to run a quick errand if you need to decompress. Self-care routines like meditating, yoga, or grounding exercises can keep you feeling centered. Remember, maintaining routines—like taking prescribed medications, spending time in silence, or doing daily stretches—can offer stability amid the holiday rush. Self-care is your emotional armor, so use it to support yourself.

5. Set Realistic Expectations and Give Yourself Permission to Say “No”

It’s okay not to meet every holiday expectation or attend every event. Remind yourself that saying “no” isn’t selfish—it’s a way to protect your well-being and honor your limits. Setting realistic expectations can relieve you from the pressure to please everyone. Spend your time on activities that resonate with your values, and don’t feel obligated to overcommit. The holiday is a time to recharge, and respecting your limits is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.

Acknowledge that other people are allowed to be disappointed or mad if you can’t attend their event - they invited you for a reason, and you are awesome, so, of course, they wanted to spend time with you. Continue to remind yourself that managing their reaction is not your responsibility.

6. Redirect Conversations Mindfully

Family dynamics can be complex, and conversations might drift into uncomfortable territory. Instead of feeling obligated to respond, redirect conversations to more neutral topics. Discuss shared interests, tell a funny story, or ask about others’ hobbies to gently steer away from sensitive subjects. When needed, remember it’s okay to set boundaries, whether by changing the subject or stating firmly, “I’m not comfortable discussing that.” Here are some of my other favorite conversation redirections:

“I am surprised you feel comfortable sharing that with me (or saying that out loud).”

“Was your intention there to be helpful or hurtful?”

“That’s inappropriate.”

Saying nothing at all.

7. Seek Support PRN (As Needed)

Navigating the holidays can feel overwhelming, and there’s no shame in seeking extra support. Schedule an extra session with your therapist, connect with a supportive friend, or jot down your thoughts in a journal. Whether through professional support, a close friend, or even a quick voice memo, having someone or something to confide in can lighten the emotional load of the holiday season.

8. Take ALL your PTO & Set Your Email to DND

Another key aspect of surviving Thanksgiving is allowing yourself to truly step away from work. Taking time off and putting emails or work notifications on “Do Not Disturb” can help you fully engage with the holiday and recharge. If you feel uneasy about being unavailable, consider providing clients with a list of trusted resources or crisis lines in advance, reassuring them that support is available even while you take a break. Remember, setting this boundary is healthy for you and models the importance of rest and self-care for your clients.

Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be a source of stress or dread. By setting boundaries, communicating assertively, and prioritizing self-care, you can protect your mental well-being and create an experience that feels true to you. Embrace your values, show yourself kindness, and remember: you deserve a peaceful, fulfilling holiday as much as anyone else.