primary versus seconday emotions: naming our emotional experience

If you haven’t read last week's blog post, start there.

After becoming more familiar with the feelings wheel to build emotional literacy, you can continue to use the same skills to identify if you are experiencing a primary or secondary emotion. Correctly labeling your emotions as either primary or secondary is useful in finding better solutions to manage your feelings.

First, use the emotions wheel to identify the emotion you are experiencing in the situation. Then, the fastest way to identify if an emotion is primary or secondary is to ask yourself “Does the emotion fit the facts of the situation, and is the intensity level appropriate for the situation?” If yes, then it is a primary emotion. If not, then it is secondary. For example, if I accidentally trip and fall in public and I stand up in a rage to start to throw my purse and scream at everyone around me, then the rage does not fit the facts and is too intense for the situation. Therefore, the rage would be a secondary emotion. However, if I stood up, blushed, and felt embarrassed that would be an appropriate intensity for the situation and the facts.

In the case of a primary emotion, the best solution would be to mindfully accept the feeling and feel (tolerate) the emotion, act on the feeling, and make the next best decision. If I was embarrassed after tripping, I would accept my embarrassment, embrace the embarrassment, dust myself off, and recognize that others will also trip and fall. In the case of a secondary emotion, I would need to practice the opposite action, problem-solve, and challenge my thoughts. For example, if I examine my rage I would need to take a time out (the opposite of lashing out) and challenge my beliefs about my fall. After I have tried the different possible solutions, it is important to review what was helpful, or not, and problem-solve to fail better next time.

Use an example for your own life and comment your thoughts below!

Adapted from: https://ilovedbt.wordpress.com/2014/08/19/working-with-primary-secondary-emotions/